Having a sick parent is hell

I think anyone who has gone through this likely knows, having a sick parent is the worst of the worst (right after having a sick kid). My mom had diverticulitis. Now knowing what I know about this condition, I knew  it was more serious than she or her doctors were making it out to be. Well I guess I should have said something, bc it got abscessed and her colon perfed.  She had emergency surgery, which was grueling on us, bc her myasthenia Gravis only complicated things, and then when she woke up, we found out that the Dr left the incision wide open!! ūüė¨

I love to sleep

Idk if I’m not that great at blogging or I just have too much ADD. I guess both. So much is going on lately, and I’m exhausted all the time. They say if you sleep all day and are sleepy when you are awake, and then awake during the night, that you are probably depressed.  But I  don’t think that applies to me. I think I’m just TIRED.  This body of mine is tired all the time!  I just look at a task written on my to do list, and I immediately get overwhelmed and panicky.  That, my friends, is called anxiety and imo ADD.  But I’m no Dr. 

Sleeping all the time makes you a hated person. Nobody understands why you do what you do.  You don’t even understand it. You miss appointments. You are late for things.  You don’t participate in normal activities, your kids and family get pissed at you.  The list goes on…  And all you have to say for yourself is ” I was so tired, I forgot”. And that’s the truth! But good luck with that one!!! 

#tiredallthetime #chronicillness #chronicfatigue #sleepy #hypothyroidism

Tired all the time

One of worst parts of chronic illness is fatigue.  And this seems to be a common ailment , no matter the condition.  It all comes down to how much energy you are able to use before your next nap.  I have seen people go a full day without recharging their batteries. And this always amazes me.  My mother, for instance, does not usually take naps unless it’s a weekend.  She wakes up at 6am and works a full day. Then she just keeps going like the energizer bunny.  A slow one; but nevertheless, she doesn’t stop.   At the end of the day, it is obvious my mother is exhausted.  But she still stays up till about 10pm,  if not later.  

I cannot even fathom how to do that.  If something were to come up, and I had to, there would likely be a moment of snoozng in there.  Even if I had to do it in ten minute intervals.  That’s the thing about chronic illness. It never stops beating you down and wearing you out.  those of us who are more susceptible to fatigue than others can be very misunderstood by the average human.  

Many of us with chronic illness and fatigue are labeled as lazy or unmotivated.  That usually isn’t the case at all!  There are TONS  of things I want to do with my life!  I’ve always been a big dreamer, and  I’ve always been very motivated to achieve these things. Like somehow, it will all work out and I’ll get where I want to go.  However, I made some bad decisions in college, and didn’t go down the planned path at all.  Now, two kids later, and a debilitating disability, I don’t know if I’ll ever do those things.  

I admit, I loved to sleep before I developed lymphedema.  I probably could be referred to as a little lazy. Maybe a lot lazy on the weekends.  And I was always have been overweight with hypothyroidism, which doesn’t help at all with fatigue and energy levels.  But I got done what needed to be done, for the most part.  I worked a full time job.  I walked and exercised at times, even though I didn’t love doing it.  Looking back, I would definitely move more. I’d walk down the street more and see nature. I would enjoy the ability to do these things.   But that’s the thing about hindsight. 

Missing Sasha

I admit-I miss Sasha like hell! ¬†Already! ¬† My daughter and I were fortunate to meet Sonequa Martin-Greene in Atlanta last ¬†year. ¬†She was soooooo friendly. ¬†She gushed over my daughter bc she’s a huge fan! ¬†Sonequa has a dazzling smile and her presence just hypnotizes you! ¬†I do hope she will still be able to attend WSC ATL despite her new role.

Losing her on TWD was a huge deal to me. ¬†I adored her character. ¬†I felt the pain when she lost Bob but especially when she lost Tyreese. ¬†This is another reason it’s a big deal. ¬†Tyreese’s death was one of the absolute worse for me. ¬†His episode was so beautiful. ¬†Greg Nicotero did such a wonderful job in directing it! ¬†I couldn’t have asked for better. ¬†The music was the kind that burns into your skull, and it did burn right into mine. I hear that music and burst into tears! ¬†Thanks for that, Bear McCreary. ¬†Beautiful music! ¬†But incredibly sad.

Back to Sasha. ¬†Watching her over the years break and grow, break and grow again, has been heart – wrenching. ¬†Then to watch Abraham fall in love with her really overjoyed me. ¬†And ¬†for ¬†them to lose that love so quickly – oh, Gimple, you’re killing me! ¬†I’m so glad the writers handled it the way that they did though. ¬†Bringing Abraham back in the flashback brought tears to my eyes! ¬†I’m so glad they addressed the question of why they did this to us and to our new favorite couple!!!! Just doesn’t seem fair, but that’s life. Especially in a zombie apocalypse. Farewell, Sasha. You kicked ass coming out of that casket the way you did! Abraham would have loved it! #twd #sonequamartingreen #sasha

My little Sasha ‚̧ԳŹ

TWD season finale (post-show) Episode 716.  

I don’t think I could possibly sum it up any better than Abraham or Maggie did!  But wow, what an amazing show!  Awesome writing,  Scott Gimple! Awesome directing, Nicotero! And great acting from the cast! Loooooooved it!  And the majority of it had me in tears, particularly the end!!!!  Can’t stop crying! #thewalkingdead #twd 

TWD season finale 

So tonight is a highly anticipated episode.  We will see what our characters are willing to do for freedom.  What they are willing to sacrifice, who they are willing to lose, in order to break from Negan’s terrifying hold over them!  The March to war begins tonight!  But when will it end? 

I have not read any spoilers. I don’t know what will happen.  But in order to understand the choices that will be made tonight and the actions taken, I think it’s important to remember how Season 7 began.  That horrifying final scene that was left burned in our brains in episode 616.  Our strong indestructible group were broght down to their knees, quivering, trembling, in a sweaty Frenzy of terror, unsure of what would come next or if anyone would come out of it alive.  

We lost Abraham Ford, a steel warrior and symbol of bravery.  The only one who would dare to rise up to Negan at that moment and stare him in the eye.  The kill was shocking and telling of the powerful force we were now dealing with. What it means to be “Negan” .  Our hero was slaughtered to a pulp, leaving us to wonder how things could get worse. The lost of Abraham meant our group was truly broken.  

In hopes that it would soon be over, we watched as Negan boasted about his heinous act. Then to our horror, Daryl reacted.  Our hearts stopped as we waited to see if Daryl would live, and to our relief he was.  But out of nowhere, we lost our precious Glenn.  Glenn was our group’s moral compass.  Glenn had a child in the way. He and Maggie were finding a way to carry on.  The loss of Glenn can not be expressed enough.  The most of all hope, the loss of a Future for our favorite couple.  The loss of a face we have seen since 102.  Glenn was the one who saved Rick and helped reunited him with his family.  Glenn had been with us through every obstacle.  

As we prepare to fight tonight we carry the memories of all the ones we lost along the way.  We do this for the ones passed.  We do this for the  ones surviving.  We do this so that our group can stop surviving and LIVE.  

Scandal episode 03/30/17

And In short,  what Abby did was horrible!  She should have called it all off the moment Frankie was shot.  How did she not see that this was a rabbit hole that just went deeper and deeper?! I don’t feel bad for her because she made some horrible choices.  Like all the other characters, she let power get  the best of her, and now my Huck could die! And I can’t deal with that because he’s my favorite character! ‚̧ԳŹ  you lost, Abby. This isn’t ever going to end for you! After what you did to Frankie and that officer, you should be sickened by yourself!  You may as well get used to being the bad guy and grow “a stomach for blood”. 

#scandal #ohAbby #Abby

My Weekend with Lymphedema 

This past weekend was bound to be great! And it was! My daughter shined onstage in her dance performances.  We spent time with great friends, my aunt who was in town, and enjoyed staying in a beautiful hotel room that is normally too rich for our blood.  I traveled to the location with my two children.  My mother was supposed to join us but she was unfortunately hospitalized the day we left.  She usually goes with me on these trips and it takes a lot of the stress of  it, as far as driving and walking and keeping up with the kids.  We take turns with the driving and she usually handles the parking and drops me off at the door if necessary.  My mom is not in great shape either, obviously; hence, her hospitalization. But under normal circumstances, she can walk a  little bit better than me, and without assistance. I use my cane daily for any walking outside of my home.  But in large arenas, like a dance competition, I must use my Rollator which I just refer to as a walker.  It gives me a place to sit and rest when I can’t walk any further. Or in the embarrassing instances when I cannot fit into the seats.  Everything was going pretty well for us at the beginning. My leg was killing me by the time we got to the hotel Friday, but I  was still mobile and able to get upstairs with my Cain. Via elevator, of  course.  Parking worked out great on Saturday as well as Sunday.  However all the walking done on Saturday was what ultimately did me in.  We were in search of a restaurant or diner that afternoon so the kids could have lunch before my daughter’s solo.  

We walked everywhere.  I had to stop and rest a lot, which really slowed us down.  We never got anything to eat, bc we ran out of time. I don’t know why they didn’t have vendors in the building! So all this walking strained my thighs and caused them to swell horribly.  By Saturday night, I could barely move.  On Sunday, I was walking like a 99 year old.  This is what sucks about lymphedema. It always beats you down!  Since I was the only adult, I had to drive us back home on sunday.  A maximum five hour drive under normal circumstances, but usually less if you limit the bathroom breaks.  I had taken my Synthroid that morning for my hypothyroidism.  I had also just had a big lunch.  Either way, there was no reason for me to be that exhausted but I was.  

By the time we got on the interstate, I was struggling.  I was so sleepy suddenly.  I tried conversating with my daughter, but she was falling asleep herself!  As was my son!  We were all exhausted, but it hit me the worst.  I fought with myself from Birmingham to Tuscaloosa, considering propping open my eyelids with toothpicks, and then I had to stop.  I went to the bathroom. I exercised my painful, throbbing legs.  I bought myself an M&M McFlurry bc the coldness of the ice cream wakes me up. This did not last very long though.  I was so happy to cross into Columbus, Mississippi.  However it was then that I knew I could no longer go on.  The pain in my legs was so bad that I was crying in front of my children. I couldn’t stay awake to save my life. It was only 7:00 at this time, but I told them to decide what they wanted for dinner bc I was buying it then and we were going to a hotel room.  With only an hour and a half to go, I had to give up and let LE win.  

The next day, after a flat tire, service truck, and lunch, we were back on the road.  Once again I had taken my Synthroid which is supposed to help fight against thyroid-induced fatigue.   As soon as we pulled into the highway, I was yawning and my eyes are closing.  I prayed, hoping that I could just get my kids home in one piece. We stopped in Starkville for my daughters allergy shot and I napped in the car while my kids were in the clinic.  Then I took them to get fro-yo so that I could nap in the parking lot.  FINALLY, we made it home intact and alive.  Thank God! It took us hours. I won’t lie, and there are times I didn’t think we would make it.  

I have stayed in bed for over 48 hours since we got home, with the exception of bathroom breaks and doing little things, like getting me or my son something to drink or eat.  Luckily I have wonderful sisters who help me get the kids to school and where they need to be, and help with grocery shopping.  Of course, dinner every night has been fast food.  I am awake more often now but for the first 36 hours i was hibernating like a Grizzly.  Now I’m back into my pattern of sleep a few hours and be awake a few hours. Ugh.  This lymphedema stuff never gets any easier.  My legs are still hurting , but much better than they were.  However I don’t think I could do much walking right now, even with the walker.  I’m sick of being in bed, I’m sick of sitting here, and I’m too tired and pained to get up and go somewhere.  I’m gonna ride this out and hope I’ll be back on my feet by the weekend.  Bc this is bull.  My mom should get out of the hospital today, so I’m grateful for that.  Not for me, but for her, of course. She’s had a rough  time, but that’s gonna be explained another time when we learn about Myasthenia Gravis.  Pray for her please‚̧ԳŹ thanks for reading! My hands and arms are going numb. Have a great day!! 

#ohlymphedema #lymphedema #hypothyroidism

Trumpcare FAILED!

Well, I think most of us saw ¬†this coming. ¬†The problem is that the authors of this bill are not tuned in to the needs of the American people. In fact, they don’t even care! ¬†The only thing they care about is money. ¬†At the expense of Healthcare. ¬†At the expense of American lives.

 

http://occupydemocrats.com/2017/03/23/trumpcare-just-died-floor-congress/

Syrian shelter attacked; 33 dead

But they were just sneaky Muslim terrorists. ¬†Who cares if they get blown up?! ¬† Can’t come into our country now! ¬†/sarcasm

 

The right wing needs to get their heads out of their arses and CARE ABOUT OTHERS.  These people are dying, and you are Guilty bc you are contributing to the spread of unjustified fear!  Syrians are humans, too!  Treat them as such!

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_58d233a8e4b0f838c62dc62d