“Clean Your Plate!”

My son ate all but one pizza roll, and I was looking at it, wondering how in the world he did that. You see, I could NEVER. I can’t because there’s too many brainwashed messages about “cleaning my plate”. I could never leave ONE piece of food no matter how full I was. Even if I was on the verge of sickness.

The idea of cleaning my plate has been drilled into me all my life. It was the mantra at daycare lunchtime (“Make a happy plate!”), the absolute rule at dinnertime at home, and the idea that I push on myself even now, in my 40s because I can’t bare to waste a bite. It’s mentally painful. I can’t describe why except that it’s ingrained in my psyche.

There’s a memory that stands out about this, above all others. When I was a kid, I asked for a second helping of something. I guess I was really enjoying it. My dad knew that he gave me too much. And he told me to eat it all. He was cruel like this. Well, I took a few bites and realized I was full. He insisted that I eat it anyway. It became a whole ordeal. Me sitting at the table, crying. Him, yelling about me asking for more when I shouldn’t have and insisting that I would not leave the table until I finished every bite. My mom, begging him to let it go.

He left the table and began his nightly routine, leaving me sitting there to think about what I had done as I gorged myself, and my mom stayed and cleaned the kitchen. I tried my hardest to eat the huge pile remaining on my plate, but my little body just could not hold it. And I was little, despite the fact that I was an overweight child who was probably already eating more than other kids my age. Maybe that’s why my dad pulled this stunt. I always felt it was a way to punish me for being what he considered a glutton. Maybe he was just in a mood and wanted to be an ass. Either way, it has stayed with me my whole life.

Finally, he got in the shower, and my mom quickly took my plate of unfinished food and scraped it into the garbage. She threw some other things on top of it and told me not to say a word. She dismissed me, and I went to my room to play. A little while later, my dad called me into the kitchen, and I went in there. My mom was visibly upset, and I immediately felt the tension. He had found the food hidden in the can! Obviously, he didn’t trust that I ate it all because he already knew it couldn’t be done! Imagine someone knowing that a child couldn’t possibly eat that much and then forcing them to anyway. Think back to that Matilda scene with the chocolate cake. That scene was always so hard for me to watch, because I personally identified with it.

That night didn’t go well for me, or for my mom. One of the many things from our past life that we tucked away and never discuss. Until recently. One day, my son wanted to get up and play while we were having dinner. He had barely eaten at all and I knew he would be hungry later, so I told him that he had to take two bites and then he could leave the table. My mom said that I sounded like my dad. This, of course, infuriated me and I retorted that this was a completely different situation and that he hadn’t eaten anything, so he couldn’t possibly be full. Asking a child to take two small bites of food is a far cry from forcing a child to eat a large pile of food when they’ve previously eaten one plate full. I find my mom often trying to overcompensate for the abuse she suffered, usually to an irrational extent like this, but that’s another discussion for another time.

This brings me back to that empty plate with just one pizza roll. Maybe it’s the emotional trauma that gets me, maybe it’s the daily harping by the daycare workers. Maybe it’s because I’m a fat girl who likes to eat. Maybe it’s all of these things combined with the poverty that I endure. But I know this: That one little bite of food gnaws at me and mocks me, as I ponder eating it, even though I don’t particularly like pizza rolls, especially cold ones. I just don’t like to see the waste. I always tell my kids not to waste food and get quite upset when they do. However, I never tell them to clean their plates! I say “don’t take more than you can eat, and if you do, wrap it up and save it for lunch tomorrow.” To me, this is a good compromise. And I don’t always make them save it, but if it’s a whole plate, I usually strongly suggest it. We can’t afford to waste food, and they know that.

I throw the plate and the pizza roll away. A few minutes later, my son realizes this, and he complains, even after he was asked if he wanted it. He says to me, “I might have wanted that for later.” I reply to him, “If you want more later, you can heat up fresh ones. It’s okay to throw away one pizza roll.” As I say this to him, I am also saying it to myself, knowing I have accomplished something big by sharing this very small sentiment.

Revisiting the Cesspool of Online Dating

I decided to try to find my own Sebastian Stan instead of drooling so much over the real one. Well… Maybe my expectations are too high or maybe guys on dating apps just really do suck! Probably not just guys. Girls too. All the awkwardness, the immediate judgments. The stupid profiles and not knowing what to say. The fact that some people are looking for “the one” who they can marry and have a happily ever after, and the rest are looking for sex as soon as they can get it. I am looking for neither. Not right now and if I was looking for anything long term , I wouldn’t expect it to happen tomorrow. Everyone on there is in such a rush, and I just want to ease in slowly with no commitments to meet or to fall in love. I just want to get to know someone. Is that so hard?!

Wonder Boys

One of my favorite movies🥰

Cinema Sips

Wonder Boys Image Credit: Wonder Boys, 2000

As I prepare for a trip to Pittsburgh later this week, I find myself in the midst of an existential crisis. While it’s always fun to visit distant family, I still find myself sighing at the prospect of I.C. Light and “yinz” instead of “y’all”. Plus, there’s the inevitable feeling of inadequacy returning to the city of my youth, not having quite reached that writing career pinnacle yet.  Wonder Boys (DVD/Download), that fantastic adaptation of a Michael Chabon novel, is exactly what I need in my life right now.

There are many things that draw me toward Wonder Boys- the story of a washed up literary giant who’s struggling to find his footing again. As Professor Grady Tripp, Michael Douglas becomes the teacher every writer wishes they had. Funny, encouraging, eccentric, he treats his students like the contemporaries they are. Tobey…

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I’m going to be a Karen about this Karen movie!

This movie was so awful! The script was poorly written, the editing and filming was terrible, and the actors weren’t great either. This movie was a great idea, but horribly executed into a complete disaster. Taryn Manning could not pull off being a wealthy, affluent suburbanite. It was as if Pennsatucky had been released from the prison and placed in a large home with two kids. It didn’t take long for her inner trailer park to come out. The movie was a joke, the soundtrack was awful, and the end credits made me wonder if they were placed in the wrong movie. And what was with that trumpet player playing DURING Ben Crump’s speech?! I was so distracted, I couldn’t even hear what he was saying. Don’t waste your time or money on this low budget cheese fest.

I am so tired of arguing with stupid people on the internet. The topics are important and need to be discussed and fought for, but it seems like such a pointless waste of time. I’m not going to change the mind of anyone who is on the opposite end of the spectrum, but there are others that can be reached and are paying attention. Even I have learned new perspectives and become educated on topics that I didn’t understand just by paying attention to the debates of others. I’ve even changed my mind about some things. So discussion and debate is important, but how do we know when to stop? That seems to be my greatest struggle. Today, a lady continued to hassle me about the Supreme Court Verdict on the Bill Cosby case. Her argument was that even if he has raped women, it was years ago and no longer relevant. Well of course that did not sit well with me, but I quickly found that no matter what I said in response to her ridiculous statements, she wasn’t listening and was merely humoring herself in pressing me about it. To that I say, Fuck OFF!

“Keep A Lid On Things”… my sloppy analysis

I just found this in my drafts, fully completed. I’m not sure why I didn’t publish it. It could be that I found another analysis and decided mine was wrong. But too bad, I’m publishing it anyway…

Well now I feel like I have to make this post, after lightly delving into it in I love your goo… https://glitzygrrl.com/2021/04/28/i-love-your-goo/


Who put the doggy in the doghouse?
(You did, baby; you did) I feel like this is a simple line, to take at face-value. We put our dogs in doghouses instead of keeping them in our homes.

Who put your granny in the granny house?
(You did, baby; you did, baby) We put our elderly in nursing homes.

Who put the bad in the madhouse?
(You did, baby; you did) We put those presumed mentally ill in institutions.

Who put that junk in the junk house?
(You did, baby; you did, baby) I think this is a statement on drug abuse and how we treat addicts. Instead of offering treatment for addiction, we banish the addicts from society and they are living in crack houses.

Keep your eye on things while I’m gone
Keep a lid on things
Don’t you try everything while I’m gone
Keep a lid on things I honestly don’t know how the chorus pertains to the previous verse!

Who put the fun in the fun house?
(You did, baby; you did) I think this is a filler verse, but I really don’t know.

Who put your dad in the half house?
(You did, baby; you did, baby) I think this is referring to a halfway house.

Who put the boys in the clubhouse?
(You did, baby; you did) I think this is a statement about the misogyny of boys’ clubs and basically anything that we use in society to exclude girls, like clubhouses, boy scouts, sports, smoke parlors, board rooms, historically women were kept out of all these places and girls learned this from a young age.

Who put the cat in the cat house?
(You did, baby; you did, baby) Prostitutes in brothels.

Keep your eye on things while I’m gone
Keep a lid on things
Don’t you try everything while I’m gone
Keep a lid on things
Keep your eye on thingsAgain, I can’t figure out who he’s talking to or what he’s trying to say in the chorus. “Don’t get into trouble” is all I can conclude.

Who dug the hole in the outhouse?
(You did, baby; you did) Okay, so at first I thought this was another silly verse, but I’m wondering now if this is saying that the powers that be are too good to dig their own holes to shit in, so they make other people do it.

Who put Whitey in the White House?
(You did, baby; you did, baby) This is our first clue that Brad is most definitely talking to Americans. At that point, in 1998, there was nothing but white men in the White House.

Keep an eye on things while I’m gone
Keep a lid on things
Don’t you try everything while I’m gone
Keep a lid on things
Keep an eye on things while I’m gone
Keep a lid on things

I think this song definitely has a message. I’m sorry that when I first heard the first couple of lines that I thought it was utter nonsense. It’s making a statement about American culture and how racism and misogyny have played a major part in building our society. This is just another example that shows that Brad Roberts has always been ahead of his time. He’s talking to Americans, saying you are responsible for your problems and you continue to hold onto these traditions and bad habits that aren’t helping you. That’s my opinion, anyway.

This was fun. I think I’ll do more of these. Let me know what you think. Am I totally off- base or did I get some of it right?

I love your goo

I have tried so hard to get into the Crash Test Dummies’ Give Yourself A Hand album. It’s not my thing, and I don’t like the “electronic” aspect of it. I guess I’m one of the more traditionalist fans that prefer the original CTD sound that I grew accustomed to from their first three albums. When they recorded Give Yourself A Hand, they went in a completely different direction with a completely different sound- nothing that I was used to from them, and I don’t love it. “Keep A Lid On Things” is a weird, goofy song. The lyrics seem really simple, but I think the message is deeper for some of them.

However, I feel like Brad wrote some of those lines because he really just didn’t have anything else to fit. And I’m sorry to say that, but they just don’t really resonate with me. I think he was just coming up with words to fill the verses, like “who put the fun in the funhouse?” But I could be wrong. Maybe they have a deeper meaning that I’m not understanding. Who put the words in this word salad? Brad did, I guess.

The only song that I really like from that album is “I Love Your Goo”. It’s a really good song, and it’s pretty interesting to hypothesize about what is really happening. The song is sexy and catchy, with creepy lyrics. Is he singing to a woman who he loves so much that he is expressing that he loves every part of her, even what’s underneath her exterior? And maybe he’s saying that he will still love her after she’s dead. Perhaps…

But I tend to agree with the more popular theory that he is indeed singing to a dead girl. Did he love her and she died, so he kept her body? Or is he a necrophiliac who killed a woman and is now defiling her corpse? Somehow, either way, he makes it sound sexy!

By the way, Brad, I have a great idea for a video for this. I guess it’s too late for that, but maybe not. I’ll tell you what it is if I am cast as the dead girl, and you play my lover. 🤣 If you aren’t interested then I’ll just save it for a story idea. 🙂

Her Name Was Sam, a short film on the original CTD YouTube channel, run by Brad Roberts

Here’s one that boggles the mind and has no explanation. The short film begins with a narration by Brad, where he explains that two roommates need a third or they can’t stay in their place. One of these guys is – you guessed it- played by Brad! The other guy suggests his sister to which Brad replies, “Fuck your sister, dude. Take out an ad!” Then Narrator Brad introduces Sam, who comes in to meet them and decides to sign the lease. Both men seem pleased. Cut to a week later, and we see the two men getting cozy with Sam. They seem to be getting along well, and there’s a really obnoxious conversation that takes place about being “real” whilst roommate #2 scoops the litter box. There’s also a scene between the three where Sam is confiding her problems with a coworker and out of nowhere, Brad begins talking about transcendental deduction (because he’s Brad… Duh!) while puffing a cigarette, and he doesn’t even finish his thought. Roommate #2 shoots him a perplexed look and goes back to the conversation about Sam’s office troubles. Brad doesn’t seem to notice and laughs right along with them.

Then Narrator Brad lets us know something is awry by telling us that things are not always what they seem….. Hmmm, what’s next? Ahh , Cut to Sam staring solemnly into the bathroom mirror before downing a bottle of pills. Brad’s character knocks on the bathroom door to see what’s taking her so long, and then enters. Shocked by what he sees, he calls his roommate to have a look. The next scene we see is Brad sitting on the couch saying that this is the “darkest shit he’s ever been involved with” and asks if they should call her family. The camera pans to the roommate, who says he can’t let her go and he “needs” her. We then see Sam lying lifeless on the other sofa. Narrator Brad tells us that this show is the most daring show HBO has ever made. And that Playboy has called it “scary and plausible”. We then see Brad struggling to keep Dead Sam upright at the table as the men play a game of cards. Her Name Was Sam…

First impressions, besides what the fuck did I just watch?

No, really. What the fuck did I just watch?

Firstly, Brad has a mullet and thick sideburns that are edging into mutton chop territory. We are in the era that I like to call “Hillbilly Brad”.

Second, I have no idea who these other two are in this film.

Third, I have no idea why this film was made. My only theory is that it was an audition tape for his attempt at voice acting.

Fourthly, it’s actually pretty funny for an amateur film.

Fifth, Brad makes a great narrator. If he had succeeded at voice acting, I would absolutely love listening to him.

Sixth, what the fuck is this, Brad? We deserve answers, man!

The verdict is in!

This verdict is so important! This is for Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Sandra Bland, Breonna Taylor, Freddie Gray, and so many more! I hope they did the right thing. Either America cares about black lives, or they don’t. We are about to find out. But either way, change is gonna come!