Tired all the time

One of worst parts of chronic illness is fatigue.  And this seems to be a common ailment , no matter the condition.  It all comes down to how much energy you are able to use before your next nap.  I have seen people go a full day without recharging their batteries. And this always amazes me.  My mother, for instance, does not usually take naps unless it’s a weekend.  She wakes up at 6am and works a full day. Then she just keeps going like the energizer bunny.  A slow one; but nevertheless, she doesn’t stop.   At the end of the day, it is obvious my mother is exhausted.  But she still stays up till about 10pm,  if not later.  

I cannot even fathom how to do that.  If something were to come up, and I had to, there would likely be a moment of snoozng in there.  Even if I had to do it in ten minute intervals.  That’s the thing about chronic illness. It never stops beating you down and wearing you out.  those of us who are more susceptible to fatigue than others can be very misunderstood by the average human.  

Many of us with chronic illness and fatigue are labeled as lazy or unmotivated.  That usually isn’t the case at all!  There are TONS  of things I want to do with my life!  I’ve always been a big dreamer, and  I’ve always been very motivated to achieve these things. Like somehow, it will all work out and I’ll get where I want to go.  However, I made some bad decisions in college, and didn’t go down the planned path at all.  Now, two kids later, and a debilitating disability, I don’t know if I’ll ever do those things.  

I admit, I loved to sleep before I developed lymphedema.  I probably could be referred to as a little lazy. Maybe a lot lazy on the weekends.  And I was always have been overweight with hypothyroidism, which doesn’t help at all with fatigue and energy levels.  But I got done what needed to be done, for the most part.  I worked a full time job.  I walked and exercised at times, even though I didn’t love doing it.  Looking back, I would definitely move more. I’d walk down the street more and see nature. I would enjoy the ability to do these things.   But that’s the thing about hindsight. 

Missing Sasha

I admit-I miss Sasha like hell!  Already!   My daughter and I were fortunate to meet Sonequa Martin-Greene in Atlanta last  year.  She was soooooo friendly.  She gushed over my daughter bc she’s a huge fan!  Sonequa has a dazzling smile and her presence just hypnotizes you!  I do hope she will still be able to attend WSC ATL despite her new role.

Losing her on TWD was a huge deal to me.  I adored her character.  I felt the pain when she lost Bob but especially when she lost Tyreese.  This is another reason it’s a big deal.  Tyreese’s death was one of the absolute worse for me.  His episode was so beautiful.  Greg Nicotero did such a wonderful job in directing it!  I couldn’t have asked for better.  The music was the kind that burns into your skull, and it did burn right into mine. I hear that music and burst into tears!  Thanks for that, Bear McCreary.  Beautiful music!  But incredibly sad.

Back to Sasha.  Watching her over the years break and grow, break and grow again, has been heart – wrenching.  Then to watch Abraham fall in love with her really overjoyed me.  And  for  them to lose that love so quickly – oh, Gimple, you’re killing me!  I’m so glad the writers handled it the way that they did though.  Bringing Abraham back in the flashback brought tears to my eyes!  I’m so glad they addressed the question of why they did this to us and to our new favorite couple!!!! Just doesn’t seem fair, but that’s life. Especially in a zombie apocalypse. Farewell, Sasha. You kicked ass coming out of that casket the way you did! Abraham would have loved it! #twd #sonequamartingreen #sasha

My little Sasha ❤️

TWD season finale (post-show) Episode 716.  

I don’t think I could possibly sum it up any better than Abraham or Maggie did!  But wow, what an amazing show!  Awesome writing,  Scott Gimple! Awesome directing, Nicotero! And great acting from the cast! Loooooooved it!  And the majority of it had me in tears, particularly the end!!!!  Can’t stop crying! #thewalkingdead #twd 

TWD season finale 

So tonight is a highly anticipated episode.  We will see what our characters are willing to do for freedom.  What they are willing to sacrifice, who they are willing to lose, in order to break from Negan’s terrifying hold over them!  The March to war begins tonight!  But when will it end? 

I have not read any spoilers. I don’t know what will happen.  But in order to understand the choices that will be made tonight and the actions taken, I think it’s important to remember how Season 7 began.  That horrifying final scene that was left burned in our brains in episode 616.  Our strong indestructible group were broght down to their knees, quivering, trembling, in a sweaty Frenzy of terror, unsure of what would come next or if anyone would come out of it alive.  

We lost Abraham Ford, a steel warrior and symbol of bravery.  The only one who would dare to rise up to Negan at that moment and stare him in the eye.  The kill was shocking and telling of the powerful force we were now dealing with. What it means to be “Negan” .  Our hero was slaughtered to a pulp, leaving us to wonder how things could get worse. The lost of Abraham meant our group was truly broken.  

In hopes that it would soon be over, we watched as Negan boasted about his heinous act. Then to our horror, Daryl reacted.  Our hearts stopped as we waited to see if Daryl would live, and to our relief he was.  But out of nowhere, we lost our precious Glenn.  Glenn was our group’s moral compass.  Glenn had a child in the way. He and Maggie were finding a way to carry on.  The loss of Glenn can not be expressed enough.  The most of all hope, the loss of a Future for our favorite couple.  The loss of a face we have seen since 102.  Glenn was the one who saved Rick and helped reunited him with his family.  Glenn had been with us through every obstacle.  

As we prepare to fight tonight we carry the memories of all the ones we lost along the way.  We do this for the ones passed.  We do this for the  ones surviving.  We do this so that our group can stop surviving and LIVE.